Three Years With Austin

I have not posted much this past year as we keep all Austin's progress on Facebook. I really don't know where the year went. Austin has not changed much. His fine and large motorskills have improved and his speech is great. He talks all the time and has such grown up thoughts and concepts. Most of his imaginary play revolves around being a doctor or rescue.

Three years, I cannot believe it! I remember Gotcha Day like it was a week ago. He was so light in weight, so tiny. He had terrible chest congestion and he made a rattling sound with each breath. As I rubbed his head, I discovered sores on the back of his head. This was from the hours of laying on the hard board of his crib. His head was mushroomed shaped from his crib. His skin so soft to touch. He had and still has a little blue mark between his eyes. I held him tight so happy that I could not cry. Grace our guide kept me from that too. I squeezed Austin's small body against mine to let him know that he finally had a Mother's love. His eyes looked into mine, into Chris's as if he was asking what took him so long to get him, he had been waiting for us.

The room was extremely hot and loud. Screaming babies and small children everywhere. Our new son had peace. His eyes darted around the room in awe. This is the most excitement he had in his life. He had been contained inside the walls of his orphanage since he was two months old. I looked at this beautiful child and felt sadness for his nanny who was in tears as she kissed him bye. I felt sadness for his birth mother not able to know the gift from God we had in our arms. I know within my heart that she loved Austin. You might wonder how could a mother love a child and leave him. Many babies and small children are left in markets, doorsteps or parks. She left this four week baby in winter in the OB/GYN department of a hospital. He was so tiny when he was found. She risked her life to make sure our baby would be found quickly. I wish I could let her know that he is safe, growing, smart and has a beautiful spirit. I cannot imagine her pain as she heard him crying as she walked away. I do visualize that hour. My son laying hungry crying for his mother to nurse him to have a stranger pick him up. He stayed at that hospital for two weeks before he was strong enough to enter the orphanage. Within an hour of having Austin in our arms we noticed his bright smile. I believe he used this smile to get attention from his nannies. He was malnourished because he messes around during mealtimes. Austin has told us that Jesus was with him in China. God provided for Austin those first 18 months of life.

We make a fast dash to the supermarket to get formula and food for the rest of our trip. Austin entertains us with his smile and laughter. He thinks this trip is grand and we are very funny. Three years later, not all trips to the store are grand and we just are not as entertaining. He finds amusement in the lids of his bottles. He bangs them back to the hotel. Before we can take Austin to our room and get a good look at him, we are to fill paperwork for the next hour. Finally we get him to our room to dress him in his own clothing. We have no outfits small enough to fit this small child. The other couple we are traveling with figure he is in 6 month clothing. The rest of that time is a blur until our first dinner together. He banged plastic cups together while I fed him. Three years later, he still is banging at the dinner table. We laid him in his crib. I laid in bed looking at this amazing child. I could not take my eyes off him. He peeked through the crib at us. One thing that sadden my heart was that I could not hold and rock Austin to sleep. I worked with him 6 six months before he allowed that.

The next day was adoption day, officially he was our son. To us, he was our son since 2/15/08 when we first laid eyes on his picture. We bonded so quickly with Austin. He stumbled when he walked. I played on the floor with him that I got sores on my knees and still have them. We did not let his feet touch the ground much. Three years later I try to hold him as much as I can. Strangers seemed drawn to him and he is still like that. The difference is that he has great concern for other's well being.

We are doing our best to raise Austin in a home that glorifies God. Each time I feel like I've failed, he shows me he is understanding what Jesus is. He knows more than I did when I was a small child. Austin loves music. He has made up his own song. This song seems to grow each week. Today this song went as such: Jesus died on a cross. Jesus died on a cross. Hallelujah hallelujah! People laughed at Him, but he died for us.

I spent an hour typing to have my words lost. I hope to type this again. My love for Austin grows each day. I find myself anxious to get him from daycare. I can't wait to buckle him into his car seat so I can get my first kiss from him of the day. God made such a perfect connection a half a world away. I Lao left part of my heart in China when I visited his orphanage. Austin's nursery was filled with 20 cribs. His was empty. I walked around touching each baby praying softly that each of these children would know a Mother's love. My heart revisits that room as I know the children are different. I visualize walking and praying for each of those babies. Did our adoption solve the worldwide issue of so many orphans? No. But God change the future of one family, one child. There are children here shuffled from foster home to foster home. There are children in China nearing the age of 14 to when they will be turn out on the street. There are children in the former Soviet Union living in unsanitary conditions tied like dogs so they won't get away. I cannot solve this issue. All I can do is pray for the children without a mother. I can pray that God uses Austin to educate people about adoption. These children have names, faces, baggage and stories, They are orphaned for various reasons. One thing is common, they lack a forever family to tuck them in, to have dinner with them and to watch them grow.

Many Changes

Austin has changed much since my last post. He is such a joy and makes us laugh often. Tonight was a slight challenge. We believe he is allergic to red food coloring. We are slowly learning how many foods and drinks have red food coloring.

We added a puppy into our lives in September. Austin will be an only child. We thought a dog would keep him entertained. It was like bringing home a baby without a diaper. He loves his puppy and she has helped him feel important.

He is now in Water Tot 3 for swimming. He is having some listening issues, so he might take this class over again. He is by far the youngest and smallest in his class.

He has moved up to Preschool 3. I was blown away when the teachers showed me all what he knows. For example, I had no idea he knew his lower case letters.

His favorite thing to do is tease his dad that he is kissing Dad's woman.

Now that I remember the password, I will be back with more updates.

Peeling the Layers of Austin

At times figuring out Austin is like peeling back layers of an onion. They just keep on coming and never seem to end. Once I think we have Austin figured out, he does something making us feel like we still have not figured out this 28 lbs of energy. We know he is a goofball and will do things he thinks are funny, but not. He is sweet and so tender hearted. When corrected, Austin reminds us that he is a good boy. He loves animals. He is so fascinated by life in general. He is determined that if he is going to do something, nobody will get in his way (this contains good and bad ideas).

So in general, we believe we have Austin figured out and know our son well. Then there are nights like tonight. During the 2008 Olympics there was a news story about Twin City Twisters (gymnastics). They said they offered a free class to see if a child is interested in gymnastics. Austin and I did a tour of the gym. We were not there but 20 minutes. Chris and I decided to wait for a while before enrolling Austin in gymnastics. With Austin constantly doing somersaults and trying to do flips, we figured it was time to get him in for that free class. Tonight we arrived at the gym. Austin pointed to the wall and told us stairs and to go up. Sure enough, we went around the corner and there were stairs to go up to his classroom. We sat watching him do his class as if he had been in that class for months. Once again amazed at what he can do and trying to figure out how he remembered being at this gym. It seems like Austin was meant to swim and to tumble. He should enjoy these classes while we wait for the pool to re-open to take additional swimming lessons.

How does our Austin remember things that we've said or we've done, but he can't remember to sit down at the table, remember to listen to us, to take his clothes off before getting into the tub, not to run away from us??? Like Chris said tonight, this is just our Austin in how he is made up. His music teacher told me tonight that Austin is singing word for word all the songs. But when it came time for him to sing to me on the way home, not going to happen.

Have a fun and safe 4th of July. This marks two years that Austin has been a US citizen.

2nd Gotcha Day Anniversary

Recounting Austin's second year with us seems like a blur. I've posted his video again for you to see. After his first Gotcha Day with us, we soon went to Indiana for vacation for a week. He was spoiled by both sets of grandparents and several family members. In August we did his Gotcha Day gift with a Day Out With Thomas. It was a very chilly day, but he had a lovely time. Soon after Austin had his final surgery. This lead to a month of intense pain for him. He ended up with a strep infection in his bladder. Our peanut was in a lot of pain until Labor Day weekend.

The first week of September he was a new daycare beginning for Austin. He began his new journey at New Horizon's Academy. This has been such a blessing for us. We thank God for the finances for him to go there. When he first arrived, he wasn't talking much. He had been in speech for about a month, but it was doing little good. But soon we had our happy Austin back and he was talking like there was no tomorrow.

October was Halloween and he still talks about Halloween. At the beginning of the month, we went to an apple orchard. We were just getting apples, but an odd shaped pumpkin found it's way home with us. I tell Austin this story often at bedtime as he picked out the exact same pumpkin twice. Later in the month we went to a pumpkin patch with our friends Mark and Barb and their daughter Megan. Which lead us to the Halloween parade and to our church's Trunk or Treat. Austin still remembers getting candy out of people's trunks.

November was a quiet month as we began to embrace our long cold winter. We celebrated Thanksgiving with our friends Satish, Gladys and their three beautiful children. December was sort of crazy with Christmas but we went back to Indiana for another vacation and had a peaceful time.

Jan-March was cold, piles of snow, chapped skin, more talking and some enjoyable times as a family. We reached mid-March and Chris was done with class and we could enjoy him being around more. Easter was a fun one this year. Austin had 2 egg hunts and really got into all. May, his Daddy graduated with his Master's degree and grandparents came up for that event. This month we had a great aunt and uncle here.

This year has been busy. We've been to Como Zoo once, purchased a membership to MN Zoo and the Science Museum. Austin really loves to be on the go and says "I don't want to go home." Like us, he loves an adventure and a good car ride. Now that he is completely potty trained, also like to investigate the clean/and not so clean restrooms. You ask him what he wants to be and you can get an answer that he wants to be a frog or a doctor. I'm guessing he'll find a profession somewhere in between. He is fully caught up with children his age and somewhat advanced in some areas. He has music class on Tuesdays at daycare and recently has been taking swimming lessons. Child is a little fish! We are investigating karate for him. But still size wise, Austin is small but growing. His littliness does not get in his way of conquering this big world. He has no fear and can do it himself. I'm happy to say our little man does not lack self confidence and I hope he stays that way.

We are off to his follow up at the urologist. I expect him to release Austin and for us to close this chapter of Austin's life. Funny how this is the reason why we have Austin as our son and two years later, that little piece is fixed, healed and done with.

We are excited about this next year in whatever adventure God gives us as a family. It's been such an incrediable ride so far.

Swimming Video

 

Mother's Day

One would think birthdays or Christmas would mean so much to a person, but Mother's Day has been that one day a year with deep meaning for me. This day was a day that I saw my mother honoring her mother and I did the same. This is a day that my mom glowed in pride that she was a mother. She loved us so. My parents divorced when I was 8. So my gifts to my mom after that had to be handmade as nobody took me out shopping. My mom always seem to be proud of anything I gave her. When I was 10 I began fixing my mom breakfast in bed. I was only allowed to use the toaster. I would bring her a bowl of cereal, glass of milk, glass of oj, bowl of fruit and toast. The tray I would use was my art tray. But I would lay paper towel over it to hide the picture. I would collect flowers from our garden and put them in a vase. I carefully carried her breakfast to her. I would watch her enjoy her breakfast. Off to church we would go and the two of us would just have a mother/daughter day together. I did this 3 times and then my mom was gone. My step-mother was not a nice person. I never felt that day to be special for me again.

I have enjoyed the day with my mother-in-law. But deep within me, I grieved Mother's Day. Every Mother's Day I felt the loss of my mom as if it had just happened. Then after a while of Chris and I being married I had another grief and that was becoming a mother. Not only did I not get to celebrate this day with my mother, I had no child and that was beyond my control. Going to church was the worst thing for me. I finally refused to go on that day. Chris would do what he could to make the day special for me. Mostly I just wanted to stay in bed.

Last year was the first Mother's Day since I was 12 that I looked forward to it. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Still I feel the loss of my mom in this being our special day together. I live 600 miles away from her grave, I cannot place flowers on her grave to honor her. So I've decided to share with those who read Austin's blog about my mother.

My mother's name is Sharon. She was born in 1940 in Terre Haute Indiana. Not too long into her life she began having kidney issues. This would be the beginning of a lifetime of health problems. I look through her childhood photos and she mostly is in a skirt, matching shoes to her handbag and a cat or dog nearby. She was the apple of both my grandmother and grandfather's eye. She was short, strawberry blond with big blue eyes. Not much stopped her from living life (aside her health).

My mother got her degree in nursing as a RN. It was a fitting career for her. While in nursing school, she met my dad. A day short of their first anniversary, she had my identical twin brothers. They too had strawberry blond hair with big blue eyes. Nine years and nine months later, she had me, her brunette daughter with big GREEN eyes. NOBODY in my family has GREEN eyes or my hair coloring. It's either blond or dark brown (close to black). She had two miscarriages between my brothers and me. She had given up on having a baby and had given all her baby items away. She was thrilled to have me.

My mother was the head nurse in the OB/GYN department of the hospital. I remember the night she came home so proud that she had delivered a baby. The doctor was just running late. She loved babies and children. She loved elderly people, animals... she just had a lot of love to give to others. We were raised to respect our grandparents and great-grandparents.

My mom always had a way of making me feel special. She loved me and I loved and adored her. I was so happy when I was with her. But my mom spent a lot of time ill. She was in and out of the hospital throughout our time together. I never knew how long I would have with her before having to go to my dad's. But when she was better, we would pick up where we left off in life.

I remember one time she was in the hospital with tubes coming out of her all over. She was in a coma and my grandfather took me to see her daily. I had no idea what was going on, but I sat with her and talked to her all the time. I told her about Grandfather and his silly stories. I remember that I thought my grandparents cats were so funny, so I had to tell her all about what they had done that day. One day she woke up and we were all so happy to see her. But the last time she was in there, I remember her stomach swelling up. They put a trek in her throat and she could barely speak. They dismissed her from the hospital and all seemed routine. My grandfather worked for the funeral home and he and my grandmother went on a trip for his work the day before my mother died. We talked all day and had a wonderful time together.

I woke up on July 29th (one month after my mother's birthday) and fixed my cereal and came back to bed. My mom seemed normal to me. We talked like always but she wanted to go back to sleep. She got up two hours later and ran to the bathroom. My Grammy asked me to go check on her and she wasn't well. She called for an ambulance and we held my mom waiting for help. Then she stopped breathing and we got her on the floor and Grammy did CPR on her. The paramedics came and I went outside like I always did. A family friend heard the call and came over. I kept waiting for them to take her to the hospital for another stay. She asked me if I was okay and she could quickly guess I didn't know my mom was gone. She told me and I screamed as loud as I could that she couldn't be gone. I walked back into the house and there was my mother on a gurney in a body bag. Just too much for a 12 year old to have to see. My grammy thought Mom had left us while we were holding onto her.

This is the moment that I felt like I had lost the world. I had family that loved me, but my mom, my friend was gone and what was I going to do? At her funeral I remember my grandfather having to almost carry me out. Prior to this we had not been close. At that moment we connected our hurt together and began a new relationship. I tired to fill his hurt and he tried to heal mine. Anytime I missed my mom, would go to their house and feel that she was there with me. As long as I had them, I had her.

Both of them are gone now. My grandfather passed 10 years ago last month. At his funeral I felt like the last piece of my mother was gone. As I was telling him how much I loved him and would miss him I caught my reflection. I could see my mother (without the same hair coloring and much heavier). At that moment I felt like God was reminding me that all these years my mother has been with me within my heart. I believe she helped me find my husband and his mother to help fill the hole she left in my life. I love Chris's mom as much as if she was my own mother.

This does not tell everything about my mother. But she was loving mother to me. She always held my hand. She let me sleep on her shoulder during church. Her singing voice was that of an angel. She was beautiful. She loved being outdoors, gardening and pink roses were her favorite flower. She was a doormat and would never stand up for herself. She was very smart. Her life continues within my heart. Through me Austin will grow to know who she is.

I hope you build special memories on this Mother's Day.

Mother's Day Song

Personalize your own free greeting card

Austin wouldn't sing this for the camera but did all the way home from daycare. The words are:

Thanks, Thanks to Mom
Thanks for all you do
Hugs and kisses
Hugs and kisses
From me to you
Happy Mother's Day